Ever wonder if the Apostles had anxiety disorders? It's possible, and then again, it's possible that they were average human beings with no mental illness whatsover. However, whether or not they did doesn't really matter to me. What does matter to me is that they had documented anxiety God calmed. The boat was sinking and all was lost. Panic and the all too familiar fight or flight instinct kicked in and God calmed the storm. God spoke and it was so. I can't help but feel a tiny bit jealous. Why can't God speak now and make my storm cease? I'm not talking about the snowstorm happening outside (as annoying as it is to have more snow falling on the ground) but the storm that is my life. I know my anxiety doesn't cause it, but it certainly doesn't help each time circumstances seem to get worse. Tim and I went from the calm predictability of life before we got married to something that feels like hurricane. It wasn't marriage that did that, either. It was life in this old world. Tim and I cling to each other in love, trust, and loyalty. It's the world around us that keeps battering us. Betrayed by fellow Christians and even a Lutheran pastor, I feel like the winds of despair are stripping me down to basic elements.
Maybe that's not a bad place to be. What are the basic elements I will be left with? The same basic element the disciples were left with: Jesus. When all is stripped away, there are some things that never can be removed. I am baptized. I was sprinkled with Jesus' blood at the font. My sins were forgiven there and each time I confess my sins and receive absolution and travel to the Lord's Table where I take into my body His body and His blood.
So, did the disciples really have it much different than me? Maybe it seems that way on the surface. Afterall, their circumstances got better through a miracle they witnessed, but who knows what is going on behind the scenes of my life. Regardless, I am still left with the same promises that the disciples were: forgivness of sins, life, and salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. No matter what causes your anxiety, find your peace there.
