"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:3
Boy, I wish I could live up to this. I worry about everything, from the clothes that I wear to the food that I eat, to the weight I need to loose. I trust, or I try to, but I falter. I can feel myself slipping away from that trust that I should have not that long after I say, "I trust you, God. Whatever you do is fine with me." I begin to think, "Well, what if this happens, then I'll have to deal with that." Or, "What if God thinks I can handle something that I know I'll fail at!" Soon, the snowball effect makes me go from mistrust to worry, worry to anxiety, and anxiety to depression and even more severe anxiety. Then comes the guilt that I didn't trust as I should followed by the anxiety that maybe I really don't have faith because I don't trust like the Bible says I should. The saddest thing is, this is a regular problem for me. I cannot count the number of times something simple has turned into a crisis of faith. It shouldn't, but then again, I shouldn't have anxiety either, so I guess I am even more in trouble.
It is usually then that I am reminded that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) Christ died for my sin of not trusting Him (a First Commandment sin). There is more than that, though, because I am clothed in Christ in my Baptism. Not only does Christ's death cover my sin of not trusting, Christ trusts for me because I cannot. I can try. I can do my best. I can work to catch up to my holiness, but this side of the grave, I will not be able to do it fully. If I did, it would be against the First Commandment and I am back where I started.
So what can I do? Nothing? Not quite. The answer to what my "job" is lies in the First Article of the Apostle's Creed.
I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth.
What does this mean?
I believe that God has made me and all creatures. He has given me my body and soul, eyes, ears, and all my limbs, my reason and all my senses, and still preserves them. In addition, He has given me clothing and shoes, meat and drink, house and home, wife and children, fields, cattle, and all my goods. He provides me richly and daily with all that I need to support this body and life. He protects me from all danger and guards and preserves me from all evil. he does this all out of purely divine goodness and mercy without any merit or worthiness in me. For all this I ought to thank Him, praise Him, serve Him, and obey Him. This is most certainly true.
And when I fail that part, Christ covers that, too, praise be to God! Mortal man cannot take away all the gifts that God has given me, including the gift of forgiveness when I sin and not trust as I should. The Psalmist is right. There is nothing to be afraid of. Now, if I could just convince my heart what I know in my head... or perhaps leave that to the Holy Spirit. ;)
Showing posts with label mental disorders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental disorders. Show all posts
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
More Thoughts on Identity
For some reason, the topic of people being identified by their mental disorders has me thinking rather deeply. I have never before experienced people seeing me as my disorder. There was a time where I saw myself as my disorder, but that was a natural concequence of learning how to deal with my diagnosis. It was huge in my mind because it was a big, scary, uncharted territory for me and I didn't know what it would mean for me as a person to have this disorder. It plagued me. I felt like it followed me around. However, I am aware that others didn't see me any different. Those that saw me before and after I got treatment saw a difference in my behavior but not my personality. GAD is not who I am but a condition I have. My friends still went hung out with me. We did all the same things together that we did before. I was still the goofy nut before I got treatment. The only difference was that I felt free to do things I feared before and I worried less about what might be and concentrated more on what I could make things out to be.
I learned to see my disorder as a gift. Here was this window into what it meant to rely on God for salvation, forgiveness, true unconditional love, and everything else that goes into supporting this body and life. My anxiety had brought me down the paths of "what if"s to the point that I knew I would never be good enough to save myself, even if that was a mere "choice" to follow Christ. I wasn't even good enough for that! It was all Christ. Christ forgave my sins at my baptism. Christ forgives my sins through my pastor. If it wasn't for Him who made the world, I wouldn't have a job, birds in my life, a devout husband, the water I am drinking, or the clothes on my back. It is by God's gift I make it every day. My anxiety is my blessing and my curse, but I guess that's where I don't understand seeing people through their disorder. It's my blessing and curse to deal with and no one elses. It may affect other people, but they don't have to deal with the symptoms, that's my burden to bear.
In this world of diversity, we must show children images of a person in a wheelchair playing basketball. We show ethnic diversity of different cultural holidays and what it means to those people. There is a strong emphasis on showing that these people, though they are different than others, are "normal" and no different than anyone else. As a result of this focus, people have become more aware (and sometimes hyperaware) of physical differences. Kudos to whoever thought up that idea, because now people are identified by those differences and not by who they are. Thus, setting up anyone with a difference, including mental disorders, to be treated according to the condition they have and not who they are. This isn't to say that people should avoid learning about other cultures, but it must be taught in the correct light. People should be identified by each other as Christ identifies them: forgiven. The person in the wheelchair is baptized by name. No matter the ethnicity of those in the church, the pastor absolves them of their sins in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
So, why should a non Christian not treat someone according to their disorder? Science. The law. Science doesn't define humanity by the lack of disorder. The law doesn't state that you lose your rights if you become disabled.
Unfortunately, this doesn't make people become more educated about mental disorders. It doesn't keep people from being prejudiced. However, it does make it wrong.
I learned to see my disorder as a gift. Here was this window into what it meant to rely on God for salvation, forgiveness, true unconditional love, and everything else that goes into supporting this body and life. My anxiety had brought me down the paths of "what if"s to the point that I knew I would never be good enough to save myself, even if that was a mere "choice" to follow Christ. I wasn't even good enough for that! It was all Christ. Christ forgave my sins at my baptism. Christ forgives my sins through my pastor. If it wasn't for Him who made the world, I wouldn't have a job, birds in my life, a devout husband, the water I am drinking, or the clothes on my back. It is by God's gift I make it every day. My anxiety is my blessing and my curse, but I guess that's where I don't understand seeing people through their disorder. It's my blessing and curse to deal with and no one elses. It may affect other people, but they don't have to deal with the symptoms, that's my burden to bear.
In this world of diversity, we must show children images of a person in a wheelchair playing basketball. We show ethnic diversity of different cultural holidays and what it means to those people. There is a strong emphasis on showing that these people, though they are different than others, are "normal" and no different than anyone else. As a result of this focus, people have become more aware (and sometimes hyperaware) of physical differences. Kudos to whoever thought up that idea, because now people are identified by those differences and not by who they are. Thus, setting up anyone with a difference, including mental disorders, to be treated according to the condition they have and not who they are. This isn't to say that people should avoid learning about other cultures, but it must be taught in the correct light. People should be identified by each other as Christ identifies them: forgiven. The person in the wheelchair is baptized by name. No matter the ethnicity of those in the church, the pastor absolves them of their sins in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
So, why should a non Christian not treat someone according to their disorder? Science. The law. Science doesn't define humanity by the lack of disorder. The law doesn't state that you lose your rights if you become disabled.
Unfortunately, this doesn't make people become more educated about mental disorders. It doesn't keep people from being prejudiced. However, it does make it wrong.
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