Long Day

Today started off with a question mark. How on earth did I not notice the huge rip in Tim's black pants before I packed them? They could have easily been repaired had I seen it, but I didn't. So, this morning when Tim went to wake me up, it was to tell me that there was a huge rip in the backside of his pants and a question as to what to do about it. I told him to run to the nearest Wal-mart and get a new pair whilst I packed up our hotel room and five birds and ate breakfast. This happened at 7 am, Tim was back with new pants and I was finished with packing and getting ready by 8 am.

We got to church just a little bit later than usual, so I had to rush to help Tim get his Bible class materials out, the hymn boards set, communion ware set up, make sure his vestments were where they were supposed to be, start the pot of coffee (that I don't drink- that stuff is nasty!), and be ready to greet parishioners before the 9 am service. Oh, did I mention there is a twenty minute ride between the hotel and church? Yeah, lots of stuff to do. On top of that, our organist was ill, so one of the ladies of our congregation who hasn't played in fifty five years helped us out (and did a wonderful job) and our acolyte wasn't here, so I was the candle lighter. Oh, and I sang a solo for Communion because the folks there are not used to silence during Communion, that's what an organ is for. Wow! What a whirlwind! By the time service was over, I wanted a nap!!

I was able to come home and rest for a while. Poor Tim had to work! Can I have a weekend to recover from my weekend? Sometimes I think I need one!

Waiting for God- Impatient Patience

Tim is officially off of CRM status as of last Sunday. He was called to a very part time call at Lamb of God Lutheran in Pleasant Prairie, WI, as an assistant pastor. However, it's still not as we want it to be as wonderful as this call is. We would love it if he got a full time call to a wonderfully Confessional church out there. Not just for money, not just for daily bread, but because it's who he is. He is a pastor. After he comes home from Wal-Mart, he's exhausted, downtrodden, and is easily put into a bad mood. After he comes home from preaching, he's upbeat, happy, and content. It's hard to deal with the frustration we feel from having been in this situation for over three years.

Don't get me wrong. I can see God's hand working while we have been going through this. It has brought us closer as a couple, it has shown us that the fear that many pastors have, of losing their call, is something that that can be worked through. It has helped us deal with our disorders in a completely different way that ultimately has allowed us to better control and help better understand anxiety and depression.

However, I find myself asking, "How long, oh Lord? How long shall we wait?" I want to put down roots, start a family, and feel like I belong somewhere instead of being a transient, wandering here and there and not having any direction like I feel that I do now. I know that will happen when Tim gets a call again. But, how long shall we wait for it and how long should we wait? That's the begging question today.

It's Friday!

I am not sure what that means, anymore though. Before it meant that I had two days off and I could relax, but I have been able to "relax" more since I don't have a job. I have been able to get some things done that have needed to get done for a while. Today I'd like to tackle the bird cages and give them a thorough cleaning. Tim really wants to go for a bike ride, and that sounds fun to me, so I am game! I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast using bisquick. I'll have to write that recipe down so that when I start to make my own bisquick mix, I'll be able to make it again.

God will provide my daily bread, of this I am sure. I may not know how, but He will provide it today. Even if it is in the form of cinnamon rolls and soup that seems to be lasting forever! :)

Taking Today a Bit Easier

So, I had my job interview with Target today. It's only a part-time position from 4am to 8am, but it's much better than what I have right now. During my interview I also talked about possibly cross-training or taking on other tasks. That would be a wonderful way to get into the Pharmacy, so I went ahead and accepted the job. I had to go pee in a cup and prove that I am drug free. I am so glad they don't do blood tests for that sort of thing! I don't know if I would ever work if that was the case.

As a reward for getting through the interview process and the like, I am going to let myself rest a bit more today. I'll do some housework, but I will also give myself a chance to sleep and rest. It might have been only a two hour process, but it felt like an entire shift for me because of my anxiety. Tomorrow, I'll go back to the checklist and see what else I can accomplish off of it. It is definitely a great system.

God showed once again how He will provide my daily bread. Today, again, I shall pray for it knowing it will be provided.

Didn't Check It All Off, But That's OK

So the day did not exactly go as expected. The leak in the sink got *really* bad and I had to to the apartment office to ask for it to be fixed. That took over an hour of my time. The good news is that it is fixed and that we have a sink that works, sorta. The sink part is fixed but there is a leak somewhere else that I found, now. Well, I'll call the office again tomorrow and let them know that it's still making a bit of a mess on the bottom of my cabinet.

I did manage to get some housework done, make dinner, and even crochet a bit. I am running out of places to apply to quick and am now just browsing Monster, Career Builder, and Jobing. I am hoping that something will come up soon. I made a soup from scratch today that would make most restaurants jealous, or maybe that's just me! I thought it was good, anyhow, and I'll see what Tim thinks of it when he gets home from work.

I did go to the Divine Service today and that is always a good thing. That's the best daily bread that I can ask for. I have a job interview tomorrow for a part time position, and we'll see if I get it. I hope I do. Something is better than nothing. Today I prayed for God to give me my daily bread, and He did. I will be provided for because God promised it.

Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread

I have to admit that I am starting to worry about how we are going to provide for ourselves. We have applied for food stamps, but there are other bills that my salary paid that I am worried we won't be able to pay yet. I have applied to fifteen jobs now, and there is only one job interview. I can't help but wonder why people don't want to hire me. Am I not a good worker? Did I not try my best at each task I was given? I don't know why I am not getting more interviews, but I am hoping that it will change. Each day I eagerly wait by my phone hoping for something to go down. Perhaps today will be the day. However, I am a cynic and afraid that it won't be.

I guess this is why I am on the checklist "to-do" system. This way I'll be able to keep myself busy if that phone doesn't ring. I am not sure what all will be on that checklist today, yet, but there is a Divine Service at 6:30 at Lamb of God that I will definitely be at. It will be good for me to get out of the house anyway. I do need a couple of things at the store, though I have to admit to being scared at spending any money at all. I have spaghetti noodles but no sauce and things like that.

I will make it through today and this evening, I will have the best food ever, Christ's own Body and Blood for the forgiveness of my sins. God will provide. He is a God of promises and He promises that He will take care of all my needs to support this body and life.

Checklist Complete

I did it! I am so proud of myself! I made the checklist and then systematically (or just unorganizedly) started checking accomplishments off. It helped my anxiety today, as well, since I was Ativan free all day. I am still disappointed that I didn't get any more job interviews, however, the good news is that my head is above water and still in relatively good spirits. I know that the next couple of days are actually going to be the hardest because my energy is up and I keep expecting something to happen and something may or may not happen or happen the way I want it. However, each day I will pray, "Give us this day our daily bread" and I will work on worrying about one day at a time. God will provide.